Hey there this is Leanne Brunelle from Leanne Brunelle coaching, and I am a personal transformation coach. Has this ever happened to you? You set a goal for yourself, something that you really really want for yourself, maybe to eat healthier, exercise, following through on taking the next steps with your business. And maybe you do great for a few days or a few weeks but then … thumbs down fart sound.
And every single time you try to do this, it always ends the same. To the point where maybe you even quit trying.
This behaviour is classic self sabotage. Now self sabotage can often be multi factorial like having a fear of success, a fear you won’t fit in, fear of drawing attention to yourself etc. etc.
But for today I want to address a kind of hilarious aspect of self sabotage, our inner toddler or inner teenager. You see sometimes the only power we have a situation is the power to resist and that is strongest at these two periods in our lives – as we move from being a dependent baby into being a child, and then as a child moving into adulthood.
Now because these were the periods we were most rebellious, it’s also likely the times when our authority figure try to come down hard on us with strong rules and limits. And for many of us, it was not OK, or even unsafe to talk back. You maybe even remember what it felt like to be told what to do. You probably hated it more than anything.
So now, as adults, when we try to tell ourselves what to do, this little inner toddler or teenager is very likely going to get triggered. And before we know it, we are fiercely resisting or rebelling against the very thing we want for ourselves.
So today we are going to have a little fun and let that inner toddler or teenager express themselves, so we can move towards our goal without letting them run the show any longer.
So when you think of your goal, let’s first check in on the amount of resistance you were feeling. I’d like you to rate that on a scale of 1 to 10, one being totally doable, 10 being there is a big huge cement wall between me and my goal.
Next, I want you to imagine whoever it was , past or present, who pressured you the most with this goal. Now it definitely could be just yourself, but maybe you had parents that pressured you to lose weight – so your inner rebel now does not want to eat healthy. Maybe your doctor told you you should exercise, and your inner toddler or teenager is like nope. Maybe you have listened to all the experts on what you should do to have a successful business, but this part of you is causing you to procrastinate to the point you can barely get started.
As we do this tapping I want you to picture that you are speaking to whomever you felt most pressured by, and then have a little fun channelling either your inner toddler or teenager energy. Just feel into which of those energies work for you. If a toddler feels right you can even stamp your feet or jump up and down, if you’re going with teenager energy feel free to drop some off bombs or hit a pillow or something. Whatever you do, really lean into that defiant energy, even if it feels a little silly or a bit over the top.
If you were totally new to tapping I am going to leave a link below to my new and improved intro to tapping video in the comment section below. Please check that out first so you know what to do. OK let’s get started, take a breath and check in with yourself. You can probably feel some of that defiant, resistant energy rising in your body when you think of this person who is pressuring you.
Let’s be a little silly, a little over the top, and have a little fun with this! Use some emotion in your voice – talk how that angry toddler or angry teenager would talk, even if you have to fake it till you make it just lean in. And, as always, if my words aren’t exactly fitting for you when you repeat them back please go ahead and change them so they do.
I am not going to do it!
You can’t make me!
I refuse to do it!
No no no
You can’t tell me what to do
You’re not the boss of me
I am never ever going to do it
I might say I’m going to do it
But then I won’t
I’ll show you
You can’t make me do anything
No way Jose
How dare you try to tell me what to do
I am never going to do what you tell me
I won’t do it
In fact I think I’m gonna do the opposite
I hate when you try to tell me what to do
No one tells ME what to do
I do what I wanna do
And what are you gonna do about it
I’m going to do what I want just to spite you
Even if it’s to my detriment
I’m so frustrated
You’re so annoying
Leave me alone
Stop trying to control me!
OK stop tapping take a deep breath. You may have noticed that some anger and defiant energy arose there, and that’s perfect! If however the anger still feels really strong like more than a three out of 10, I encourage you to go through that round another time or two until you feel more peaceful and calm.
Sidenote, if you had very controlling or evenabusive authority figures, there is likely more work to do around this piece so please reach out either to myself or another EFT practitioner with experience in that area so you can completely heal this piece.
OK now that we are feeling more calm, or maybe even a little more empowered, let’s finish off with some positive tapping. Now just speaking to ourselves.
That was a little intense
Who knew I had this little rebel inside
This childish part of me
That’s constantly being triggered
Whenever I have an important goal for myself
But I have learned today
When I give that part of me a voice
Let them say what they need to say
They calm down
And quit resisting me
So if this ever comes up again
I just need to remember
To let my inner toddler or teenager
Voice their opinion
So they can feel powerful
So they can feel heard
So we can be on the same team
There’s no need for defiance
No need for rebellion
We can do this together
OK stop tapping take a deep breath. Hopefully this is left you with a sense of ease and calm and a feeling of empowerment. There’s absolutely no need to continue battling with this part of ourselves, sometimes they just need to express themselves and feel heard and then we can all move on.
But let’s check our work quickly, please rate yourself again on how much resistance you feel towards your goal right now. If it is still above a five, then it’s most likely that your resistance is more driven by some unconscious fears. Please reach out for help with that, or stay tuned for my future videos where I will talk more about that.
Wishing you all the success in the world for your amazing goals I’ll see you next time!